Do you ever have those moments when you realise that you want to change things so badly that it’s almost hard to know where to begin? That was me a couple of weeks ago. New year new me right? Except I’d been telling myself that crap for years and I wasn’t really a new me was I.
I mean I’d managed to kick my ex to the kerb which is something, but that aside the things I wanted for myself and wanted to change were pretty much the same as they had been for years, despite all my promises to myself. Somehow it’s just never happened. I say somehow, but what I really mean is that I haven’t made it happen. For whatever reason.
Then I came across a quote by one of my favourite people in the world.
I mean I felt incredibly called out and read there. But it’s true isn’t it? And life is too damn short for regrets.
So I decided. First of all, I forgive myself. For not managing to do all the things I wanted to do in the past and for not having made those changes until now. For all the times I have been my own worst enemy and haven’t done what I wanted. For all the false starts. For all the times I have accepted less than I should have done. Like one of my favourite quotes says:
Ouch. So if I don’t love myself and think I deserve love…well…exactly right? I need to be my own best friend and advocate and challenge myself!
I started by making a list of what I actually want (okay this first list was super long) but then I went over and circled the BIG ones. The ones that I really, really want at the core of all the other things I want. And I’ve got it down to 5.
- INDEPENDENCE – I don’t want to be tied down to anyone else or reliant on anyone else for happiness. I want to be able to depend on myself! No one else is ever going to save you.
- STRENGTH – I want to be strong enough mentally and physically to do whatever the hell I need to do and not just to give in to whatever seems easy.
- SECURITY – I want to be financially and emotionally secure and not have to worry about the sort of things that have hung over my head for years with my ex and since I’ve been going at it alone as a single Mum.
- HEALTH – This is a big one for me given I have a few not so great health issues. However, I want to feel better in myself. I want to feel more confident. I want to feel happier in myself and I am absolutely, totally FED UP with feeling ill! Even if I can never get rid of the illnesses, I can manage them and be as healthy as I can to tackle them.
- HAPPINESS – It all leads to this really. This is my number 1 (maybe I should have put it first?) because absolutely everything feeds in to this. Life is too short not to be happy. If it doesn’t make my happy, is it even worth it?
So this is where I am. Ready to make changes.
What are these changes? It all sounds so simple when I write it down. Easier said than done. But here goes. I have 8 BIG changes I want to work on over the next 365 days to get to where I want in life.
- I will be 6 stone lighter.
- I will be a more positive person and challenge my own negative view and perception.
- I will meditate and practise daily visualisation.
- I will write outside of MM (hey look at me here writing!)
- I will appreciate and enjoy my family time more and switch off from technology every day at some point.
- I will keep on top of things at work and not get drawn into negativity there.
- I will budget and begin to pay off debts and make savings.
- I will say YES to things I want to do more often than I say NO, even if it makes me uncomfortable.
And that’s it. 8 simple things I am going to do. Not so hard right? Right?
Aaaaaargh! Wish me luck.